When I was asked to write this article, I first thought it would be good to actually write down my feelings on being a single Christian woman in today’s world. Then I realized it would not be so easy because I have conflicting feelings.
Sometimes it can be very tough since it seems the world revolves around couples and families. Generally this is a good thing, but from time to time I feel left out. Other times, I am happy as a clam to be single. I am only responsible for myself and my actions and not other people. Of course all of this is tempered by following God’s guiding hand. So I will talk about the advantages and disadvantages of being single as well as what I do to stay focused on God to stay happy and content.
I contemplated the advantages of being single. Well, first off, I can pretty much do what I want – of course with God’s guidance. I set my own schedule; decide what kind of career to have or what activities I want to do; I can pick up and go on a trip if I want. When I have a decision to make, I pray about it and then decide what I am going to do because it doesn’t affect anyone else.
An example of this was when I decided to change my career and do something totally different. I felt God leading me to leave the business world because my passion is helping people and I was not utilizing my gifts. I went to school, received my license and became an esthetician (a skincare specialist). I provide facials, waxing and makeup services in a Christian-based salon. I have since gone back into the business world but I focus on jobs where I can use my skills to help get things done.
The disadvantages of being single mean having to make all the decisions or take care of the financial responsibilities by myself. Not having a companion to go places with or do things with and lack of physical intimacy are some other disadvantages. If I followed the ways of the world, the physical intimacy would not be an issue, but I choose to not go that route. These disadvantages can be overwhelming sometimes, especially during the holidays and when financial or other major decisions need to be made.
So what can I do to stay positive and content? I focus on God and His love for me. One of the ways is through what our church calls SOAP. It is a tool we use during the daily quiet time to get into scripture. Here is what the acronym stands for and an example of one I did:
S = “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he can not be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple”.
O = Everyone who wants to be a disciple of Jesus must put everything else behind him and be willing to even give up his life.
A = Am I willing to give up everything else and suffer for Christ? Am I willing to give up getting married and having a husband to follow Christ?
P = Father God, help me to keep my eyes focused on You so I may follow You completely; even if it means giving up my desire to have a husband.
This is just one of the ways I stay focused on God. I also read books by other Christian women such as “Living Every Single Moment” by Angela Payne, published in 2004 by New Hope Publishers. Currently I am in a women’s Bible study and we are going through the book and workbook called “Falling in Love with Jesus” by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli. The book was published in 2000 by W Publishing Group and gives two perspectives on abandoning yourself to the one who loves us the most since Dee is married and Kathy is single.
There are advantages and disadvantage on being single. My outlook depends directly on my spiritual life. When I stay in God’s Word and doing what He wants, I am happy and content to be single. However when I don’t, my outlook is dark and I get depressed and focus on what the world says I need to be happy.
The main point to take away from this article is to stay focused on God, have a strong spiritual life and you will be content in your singleness.
Living Every Single Moment: Embrace Your Purpose Now (Paperback)
by Angela Payne. Available from Amazon.com
Falling In Love With Jesus Abandoning Yourself To The Greatest Romance Of Your Life (Paperback, Hardcover, Kindle) by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli. Available from Amazon.com. Workbook also available.