Adjusting to the emptying of my next reminds me of the opening of the novel A Tale of Two Cities: “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. As I reflect on the gradual process of becoming an Empty Nester, I see how, with the leaving of each child, the Lord has blessed me with the ability and strength to let go of what He had, after all, only loaned me for a short time - my children.
As each of my three children left home for college, the nest changed somewhat. There was a little less clutter around the house, a thinning stream of unannounced visitors, fewer band competitions to attend, less wait time to use the telephone (this was before the age of cell phones!), more gas in the cars and oh yes, more and more leftovers! To these changes I adapted fairly quickly, truth be known, gladly to some.
The obviously empty bedrooms, the extra parking in the driveway, the extra place in the family room, the unfilled chair around the dinner table were tougher to get used to. For a while I was unable to go into the recently vacated bedroom to get something or straighten up without totally falling apart, as if I would never SEE my child again! I remember looking at the bare spot at the bottom of the stairs and longing to see a pile of shoes, books, clothes, anything that meant my child still lived in my nest! These were the worst of times; the times I forgot these important truths, that my child was in God’s hands, (Psalms 125:20) and that he had been brought up in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6).
After the second child left home I began to anticipate what I was going to need to make it through this again (I’m a slow learner!). I
needed to be busy, very busy, AND I needed to pray for my children.
Lamentations 2:19 tells us we should “pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children.” The way I prayed for my children at this time was quite different than when they were home when I knew, or at least thought I did, what they needed. These new prayers were much simpler; like prayers for their physical protection, and asking the Lord to place a Christian somewhere in their lives.
It wasn’t until my third child left home that I began to appreciate fully God’s plan for the family and see “the best of times.” I’m sure that just as He plans for a wife to leave and cleave, He plans also for the children to leave. It’s in their leaving that some of “the
best of times” of the empty nest have been realized - time spent enjoying and nurturing my relationship with my husband, something that sometimes had been put on the back burner when rearing children. Time to develop hobbies, friendships, professional growth, and church ministries is more available during this time of life.
Another one of the best times is the anticipation of seeing the children again. Only this time, things are different. We relate as adult to adult now, or at least try to! It’s exciting!
If you find yourself facing the empty nest and are not sure if you like it or not, maybe remembering these things will help. This is God’s plan for families (Jeremiah 29:11), expect hard times but know that the Lord is right there with you (Joshua 1:5), stay busy (Colossians 3:23), and look forward to the best of times to come!
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